what is on your mind

There is nothing inspiring to write about, nothing good in my mind, I could spend time trying to think about something worthy enough for the internet, but that would just take too long. So I have resorted to writing whatever comes to mind, sometimes writing like this can be therapeutic, other times it is tedious and draining. I could be left feeling like I just waisted time, or it could be a major accomplishment where I discovered something new about myself. But I doubt that’s the outcome I will get today. To be honest I am just really exhausted, I miss journaling and seeing people and meditating. I miss the CTA and Dunkin Donuts after school, I miss walking in the rain, I miss my therapist’s couch, I miss listening to my “sad” playlist on my walk home. I miss the winter and getting in trouble during class, I miss the lunch line. I miss the summer and siting on my roof until the sun comes up, I miss lucid dreams. I miss taking naps in the car and sitting in the park, I miss making my friends laugh, I miss my three hour classes, I miss getting up to go to school and finding an outfit that will impress my friends. There is so much that I miss and so much that I can be sad about, I even miss being sad. It is all very strange, what do you miss, I wish I could turn this into a conversation. I miss talking to people, even people I don’t know, I crave conversations. I just miss so much, even though before quarantine I was a person I did not like. But now I am a person who I do like, and its just a shame that I can’t be that person in front of everyone. What a waste of potential. Everyday alone I can feel this person slip away little by little, and I try to hold on to her, but I don’t really know how. I guess I’ll just have to try harder, maybe this will make her to want to stay.